BIrds

Florida has a unique feature that can only be appreciated if you live here. It is the annual migration of birds. "What type of birds is he speaking of?", you may be asking yourself. While there are many migratory species that move into and out of Florida every year, there is one in particular that really stands out from its peers. That species is the Snowbird. No, I am not referring to the frosty fowl that the illustrious songstress Anne Murray spoke of in her dazzling musical description of a cheating lover. I am referring to the onslaught of people older than 55 that wreaks havoc on our state every year. From approx. the end of October to right around the end of April, this great state becomes a party spot for every 4p.m. dinner special seeker in the universe. If you have never experienced this for yourself, please allow me to describe the chaos that envelopes us while we are "In Season." First off, time seems to slow down. It takes hours to do simple mundane tasks that used to take seconds. Waiting in line to buy one loaf of bread while Harold counts out $10 in dimes and nickles is so much fun. Fast food becomes "You'll get it when it's done." food. Second, driving becomes a hazard. Old people have one speed, 45 mph. That is their speed whether in the fast lane on the interstate, driving on the back roads, or finding a parking spot. Also, they drive like everyone owes it to them to move when they drive near you. I have lost count of the dirty looks I have received from seniors who have pulled out in front of me and then don't like it when I am driving too close to them. "I'm sorry ma'am, was I driving on too much of the road ? Please forgive me for staying in a lane." My last gripe, and I promise it's the last, delves into the rudeness that emanates from the community of elders that plagues us. I have been hit with a walker, pushed by the butt end of a cane, and as you'll remember, cussed at while enjoying a delicious slice of Bravo's Pizza. It seems that courtesy doesn't exist after 60. My wife was in Bob Evan's when a incident occurred that proves my point. A waitress had a tray full of piping hot food, boiling soup and hot chocolate. A nice lady stood up as the waitress went by and knocked the tray out of her and and all over her. Needless to say the waitress suffered what looked to be at least second degree burns. And what did the nice old lady do, she complained to the manager that the waitress had gotten potatoes on her. That's right. There was no "Oh I'm so sorry." or "Please forgive me." or even "Holy crap! Did I do that?" While this poor girl would probably be close to needing a skin graft, the nice old lady was worried about her blouse that was hanging on the back of her chair. She made a big commotion about it and her husband told the waitress that she deserved to lose her job for ruining the blouse. That is par for the course. I may seem to be a little overly upset about this, but i do feel better now that I have vented. If I have offended anyone who is the demographic I have spoken about, please forgive me. Have a safe trip. I'll see you next winter.